Well apparently he's into motor boating.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
