new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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