I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
