To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
