can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
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YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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