Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
