she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
