just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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