And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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