i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
No...this little piggys going to the bar
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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