totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
