Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
