D3 body, D1 cock
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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