you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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