4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
