Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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