You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
