I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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