dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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