There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
