Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
