There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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