My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
