i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
