I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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