the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I love you.
Bad choice
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