She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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