Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
