Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
