im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
