there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
