At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
