Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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