and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
