I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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