she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
