First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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