her vagina looked like bernie madoff
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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