dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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