She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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