I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
