Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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