just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You pole danced in your parka.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
