i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
the raccoons are back...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
