My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We have so much sex to catch up on
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
