Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
