I cut my penus on the lid.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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