there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
