it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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