Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
