the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
