there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize