i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
