I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I didn't notice because vodka
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
