Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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