You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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