I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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