never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
