Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
