You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
