The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
