be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
