she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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