it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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