Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
