He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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